Do you know the muffin girl?

So far, so good. I stocked my fridge and pantry with the good stuff and pushed aside all the bad stuff. I should throw it away but then there's always the starving children with their puppy dog eyes in those evil commercials flashing in my head.

Recipe numero uno comin' atcha.

Roasted Chickpeas
1 can of chick peas (garbonzo beans), drained and rinsed

Heat oven to 350 and roast for 50 minutes or until they happily dance around on your baking sheet and clink together.

This makes 4 servings (I usually make two cans at once for 8 servings), a serving equals roughly 1/4 cup.

I munch on these suckas for a snack and they are pretty damn good. They should be crunchy, not mushy. I imagine you could season them with something NOT SALT because salt iz bad but I haven't got that creative yet.

I have resumed my Zumba practices 3x a week and started running again. I took it slow on my first run because of my knee, which ended my short-lived running career in the first place. I also did some weight training today. Gee was that fun. Muscle definitely disappears WAY too fast if you don't keep poking them with a proverbial stick. I weigh myself on Monday so  AFTER New Years Eve and about 5 bagazillian glasses of wine and *blue drinks.

Happy New Year internets. Be safe and try not to pass out early like I am sure I probably will.



*Be patient, young grasshoppa. You shall see soon.

Survivors and a Big Ol' Cliche

We made it! We did it! Christmas is OVA. I made it all the way through without throwing anything, and I think that deserves at least a hefty pat on the back. I put up with annoying people, an unruly child and sometimes grumpy husband. AND they all put up with me without any fist fights. HORRAY!

Mason was, for the most part, a picture of perfection for all that we put him through. I mean, with all the missed naps, late bedtimes and incredibly overwhelming PILES of presents, he was pretty well behaved. Of course we had a few minor meltdowns, but I am blaming that on the impending arrival of the dreaded molars.

We ate. A LOT. I am not making that up.I promise that I probably ate enough to feed a small country. My mom made her Thanksgiving day feast on Christmas Day. Yeah. I missed it this year so she was kind enough to indulge me. And help me gain almost 4 pounds in one week. Go me.

SO, there it is. I am HUGE. Thighs are a thunderin' and gut is a gigglin'. My ass needs a major overhaul. I was doing pretty good up until about a couple weeks before the holidays and then BOOM. My body stopped. I was at a stand-still that I could not break. The culprit: carbs. I am a carboholic. I am the queen of pasta. I could eat it all day every day. But that my ass grows and that's no good. I know (because I have done it before) that if I at least cut back on my carb intake, I will drop the pounds in a snap. So here I go again, modifying my meals, whipping out my beloved South Beach cookbook (I hate the diet, but love the recipes) and getting down to business. I need to fit into things comfortably again minus the muffin top.

I guess that is my big cliche New Years Resolution. I am going to get rid of these last 15ish pounds left over from the Mason takeover of '08 and '09. I am going to go nibble on some celery now. As I do this I am going to try to post my recipes for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in case anyone is interested in some healthy meals for the new year. Hmph. 15 to go.

HO HO HO and a bottle of wine.

AKA one down, twelve to go?

You know that crazy family member that everyone has that always shows up to the Christmas party drunk and smelling of peppermint schnapps? I am slowly becoming that person. Although I don't like peppermint, I prefer wine and I have not showed up to a Christmas party drunk yet, but I had good intentions last night. Mason, you know your mom is cool when she stuffs a bottle of wine in your diaper bag, fully intending on numbing herself to the crazy Christmas madness. That poor bottle of wine remained unopened. I set him safely in his new home, our fridge, and let him know that Wednesday would be his day to shine. His day to make my Christmas a little merrier.

Instead, that fat bastard jolly old elf named Santa showed up and gave my kid a present. Mason stared at him longingly until it was his turn to sit on his lap and then this happened:

FAIL. He didn't cry but he squirmed until Santa could not contain him anymore and ran away with the goods. Speaking of the goods.

Ahh, presents. He's a quick learner.

See there? He got a PICKUP TRUCK.

And now...A FIRE ENGINE! He liked his poor cousin's fire engine better (the kid has a thing for red) so he ganked it, luckily without getting into a fight with his generous, trading cousin.

And now we are the proud owners of ANOTHER noise-making fire engine. Merry Christmas.

It feels good if you play with it long enough.

Fun fact: Every time we change Mason, he immediately reaches down and begins playing with himself and laughing. I asked Paul, "Does it really feel THAT good, that fast?" His answer: "If you play with it long enough, yes." He will then, while still squeezing and pulling, point to the blocks on his shelf and say "cocks?". We are still working on the BLLL blllllllllllocks.

Hmph. Well then. I guess I am moving from teaching Mason to say "truck" instead of "car" to saying "penis" or at least "peepee". Which brings me to my next topic: Embracing your genitals (hey, there was no other way to put it). It really irks me when parents get all wierded out by their kid's "play time with themselves". Yes, they should be taught to NOT do it in public, but rather in their room or bathroom but I think it is horrible when a parent starts telling the child they are being "gross" or "wrong" or "disgusting" or just refusing to talk to the kid about their genitals AT ALL. Way to give your kid a complex, genius. Of course I am also of the thought that teaching ONLY abstenence from sex is wrong so there should be no shocker there.

Yes, I am aware that some day Mason will probably read this and give me a big old "MOOOOOMMMMM!!!!" and not speak to me for a while because I told the internets about him playing with himself, but that's what you get when you get stuck with me for a mom. That and Teddy Grahams and Yo Gabba Gabba  math equasions all day.

Bye Bye Blindness

Tomorrow I am FINALLY going in for my Lasik surgery. Afterwords I am going to have a glasses-burning party. Now Mason can't point and laugh at my specs anymore. Everytime he does I just giggle to myself like, "Yeah kid, keep laughing. Someday this will bite you in your cute little ass!". I think the part I am most excited about is not actually the re-gift of almost perfect sight, it's the sleeping for almost 24 hours and the AMBIEN yay AMBIEN! Tiger, gimme a call! I will sell them to you for like 50 million. That's right, I am now advertising my drug dealings on my blog people. Line up.

No, really. I think the whole day of sleep will officially catch me up from the first three weeks of Mason's life. Now I cannot beg Paul for days to sleep in anymore. I guess I will have to start dragging my lazy ass out of bed a little earlier. No more excuses!

The scariest part about all of this? I am not the least bit scared. There might be a tinge of nervousness in me, but not much. I guess I am jaded after being cut open and having a 7lb mass ripped out of me while I lay there AWAKE. Of course there was the almost-peeing of my pants when I read over all of the risks and all but GOD DAMN I am excited more than anything! Do I think I will go blind? Nah. I have complete trust in my doctor and I am not going to some chop-shop - I actually picked someone that has !LOTS OF AWARDS! and !LOTS OF RECOMMENDATIONS! (like that matters). I am sure I will longingly stare at everything I would miss seeing tonight before I go to bed, just in case. But I think I will probably be just fine. I am guessing you will hear all about it, internets.

A Ho, Ho, Hooooo

I present you with my 2009 Christmas list, my WISH list, I would like to stress. For Christmas this year I actually got a trip to Las Vegas and Lasik surgery (be jealy). A girl can dream, can't she? (all prices are from Amazon because, well, you are IDIOT if you shop anywhere else without looking there first)

To remind me of my times in Las Vegas: The Hangover Unrated on Bluray [$15.99]

To cover up the smell of poop, chewed up Teddy Grahams, etc: Ed Hardy - Hearts & Daggers [$55.95]

To keep my feetsies warm when I show my husband what a good wifey I am by shoveling the driveway: Bailey Button Uggs [$150]

Because I want to be her/am a mom with "mommy style" these days: Rachel Zoe : Style: A to Zoe [$10.87]

Even though I haven't seen it yet, but let's be for real: BRAD PITT: Inglorious Basterds on Bluray [$18.99]

BEHOLD. For the organizational freak that I am and because it's PURPLE: Brother PT-80 Label Maker [$27.74]

To cook with...or giggle about the name: 6 Qt Dutch Oven in Green [$77.00]

Okay, well there you have it. My Christmas wish list. Go forth and buy. Email me for my address kthanksbye.

AND CAN I ADD? Yes. I want a new Dyson...a Dyson Ball please. To my delight, Jill over at Baby Rabies is having a giveaway for one. Hopefully I will get picked. Squeeeeeel. Go! Try to win! Also, follow me on Twitter and follow Jill too... @tiffluc and @babyrabies!

15 Months...a little late

Dear Mason-

I wanted to have a record of things that I want to make sure that I remember about this time in your life. If there is one thing I have learned over the last 15 months it is that I cannot remember the things that I (thank Jeebus) have written in your baby book or on the old blog. People always want to compare their child's weight to yours at a certain age and I have no idea how much you weighed at your 3 month check-up. I don't even know how much you weigh now and calling your pediatrician is on my list of things to do today because I have no idea if I scheduled your next well appointment.

You talk. A lot. You say too many words at times and I know that you definitely have a larger vocabulary than most kids your age. Here are the words that you currently say, all day, every day:
Cars, Hot, Cat, Sit, Tits (a form of sit, methinks), Ball, Nigh-nigh, Juice (joooce), Santa (tanta), Shoes, Socks, Buh-byes, Hi, MaMa, Dada, Papa, Goga (your grandmas), Deeeee (your aunt), *Baboo (your teddy), BoBo (your grandma's cat), No, Numnums (food), Dog, Touch it, Book, Mooo(cow), Baaa(sheep), Dana (the girl at the gym daycare), All Done, House...I am sure there are more I am forgetting.

You have also taking a liking to the Christmas tree and you will not leave it alone. We are constantly telling you NO! Don't touch! and you proceed to carry bulbs across the room and leave them everywhere for me. You also love your shoes and boots. You love getting them put on your feet and always are pointing to them and showing everyone. There are always at least two shoes in the living room because you brought them to us to show me. You are a boy after my own heart. You love anything that isn't a toy and when you do play with toys, you tend to pick on Elmo, books or of course, CARS.

You love helping me. You help me clean, grocery shop, put away groceries, put away toys, and you keep me entertained during my baths and showers. You love to dance to Yo Gabba Gabba and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse...or any other random car commercial with a funky beat. You get upset when you do things that you know aren't right. For example, if you knock over a picture frame, you will work at it for MINUTES trying to set it back up, and then cry when you can't. You also FREAK THE F OUT when you hit the input button on the TV and it goes snowy.

You are so loving. You give TONS of kisses and hugs all day long to your family and most importantly, Elmo and Baboo. You love other children and babies. You smile at them, point and flirt. You know not to touch little babies and you know how to play well with bigger ones. You share everything - your juice, "white juice", toys, snacks and even boogers. You are the happiest, most caring little boy I have ever seen and I am so thankful to have you in my life.

*Baboo is recovering from recent neck surgery from too much love.