Monday, December 5, 2011

Well that was a while...

I meant to write more, I really did but with having your own photography business where you offer family and children sessions means Christmas photos and YIKES. Busy. Not a bad problem to have.

Especially when you need something, anything to take the focus off that you are in fact, still not pregnant. Of course since my last post, I did go in for my blood work. Did find out I'm not pregnant and did hyperstimulate, which despite being a super fun word to say, is not fun whatsoever. In fact, I probably wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Evidently, there was some evidence of a possible ovulation, but with LUF syndrome, that can be deceiving. Either way, it didn't work. I'm hesitant to go forward towards IVF, and the RE is back peddling a little saying that he thinks there are some protocol changes he can try with me that may help us to avoid IVF. 

Either way, last cycle (the one after the hyperstim) was of course a BCP cycle to get my ovaries to calm the eff down. And this new cycle that I am about to begin will be an un-medicated, un-monitored, non-anythingpregnancyrelatedbecauseitsChristmas cycle. At least December, perhaps and probably January as well...maybe February? Maybe forever? I honestly don't know if I can do all of that to my body again even if it means to continue to live a life where every morning I ask myself if I can hold it together just for today. Can I? Yes. Keep going.

I'm getting to a point where I am starting to think that maybe God gave me a perfect, amazing, smart little boy in Mason because He knew it would be all I would get.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

*KnockKnockKnock* Anyone there?

I don't know if anyone checks this blog anymore. Or if it even exists on any one's blog feed or whatever but I have decided to come back because I miss writing about my life and Mason and there is just so much FUN going on right now I can't stand it. Oh and I need a place to keep track of all the FUN because sometimes it blurs together.

Remember when I wrote this post? It's dated August 2010 and I came out about us trying to have another baby and blah blah blah. We had started trying about 2-ish months before so go ahead and do the math....
....I'll wait....
Yes. Approximately 16 months. No baby. See what I mean? FUN!!!11!1!

To hypothesize, I'll go ahead an do a quick little run-down and write more elaborate, detailed SUPERFUN blog posts later so I don't forget this experience because...whoa.
June2010-May2011: lots of trying...nothing.
May2011: Visit OB/GYN - prescribed Clomid, nothing.
June2011: Prescribed Clomid again by OB/GYN, gets head out of ass and realizes they are playing a game of "here! try this! it might work be we won't know because we don't monitor you or anything!" Call fertility clinic.
July2011: Visit fertility clinic and meet RE (reproductive endocrinologist) for the first time. Love the shit out of him. He runs all kinds of tests and monitors to see how my clomid is working (psst it is) and really doesn't find anything wrong but some suspected PCOS. But still...nothing.
August2011: Upped Clomid dosage plus IUI, I produce two great follicles but....nothing. Two cysts from Clomid discovered. Must take a month off and use birth control pills to shrink the cysts. Given the option between $$injectables$$ or something like Clomid (which is now thinning my lining, drying up cervical mucous and just generally not working) for the next cycle.
September2011: Birth Control Pills break. Decide on injectables, start Lupron on day 21.
October2011: Add in Gonal-f on day 3, grow 10-15 follicles, 5-6 of which are maturing, have minor breakdown about the possibility of having a litter of children. Calm the f down. HCG trigger'd 3 times and had IUI's done. Went back in for after-ovulation ultrasound and discovered I had not released any eggs. LUF syndrome. IVF is only option. Shit.
November2011: BCP cycle to calm ovaries down.
December, January/February 2011: Nothing. Nada. Trying on our own. Switch RE's because I don't love my RE so much anymore. REALLY love my new one though. Discover another cyst on an ovary. She checks my estrogen levels to see if I can start a medicated cycle or if I need another BCP cycle and whoa. A trace of pregnancy hormone is in my blood. I'm told to do nothing. Come back in 2 days to see if the numbers are going up. They don't. Miscarriage. Begin BCPs.

And that's where we are. Sorry to bore you, if anyone is even reading but I need to get it all out and somewhere so I can refer back if needed. I realize some of this might not make sense and I will explain later.