That's Okay, I'm Done Sleeping Anyways

It doesn't take long to realize that when you have kid(s), your blissful days of sleeping are over. Of course as Mason got older, we all fell back into a blissful sleeping pattern of (for Mason) 9pm-8:30a and (for us) 11pm-8:30a.

Until recently.

Mason started preschool and we started getting up at 7:30a. Not too bad. It's not just that we are getting that full 11p-7:30a rest though. Well, especially not me.

This is what a typical night looks like for me right now:

11p-12a: Fall asleep somewhere in here once I am comfortable
2a: Wake up to pee.
[Paul is snoring}
3:30a: Mason comes in our room in a sleepwalking stupor.
4a: Binx the Cat decides to clean his butthole for a good 15-20mins then procedes to puke somewhere in the room.
[Paul snores somewhere in here]
5a: Our neighbors let their 7 obnoxious dogs outside and leave them there to bark until they drag their lazy asses back outside to let them back in. This goes on for at least 30 minutes.
[Paul is still snoring]
6a: Get up to pee again.
7a: Mason comes in the room and makes noises, bugs us to watch a cartoons, wants breakfast, whines, etc. Binx jumps on the bed at the same time and stares at me and purrs until I pet him.
7:30a: We give up and get out of bed.

Wow. After actually writing all that down, it's no wonder I am always tired. I thought the second trimester was one of puppy dogs and rainbows and endless energy! Weeee. Not for me! At least I'll be fully prepared to bring another non-sleeping human into this house. And maybe I'll get a puppy while I'm at it!

I am now 18w5d or something. I think!

18 weeks and 4 years

Yikes! I can't believe it's already been 18 weeks. It's amazing how fast time flies when you're having fun. Literally. Nothing about infertility is fun and then you're pregnant and BAM. FUN.

I am starting to feel the baby more and more every day but I am suspecting either an anterior (front) placenta or just the fact that I move around so much more during this pregnancy that is causing me to feel this baby later than last time.

I did sit at a desk for 8+ hours last time, only moving to go to the bathroom or ride the elevator downstairs to get a salad. This time, I am shooting weddings for 10 hours on the weekends, chasing a 4 year old and running all over a bigger house that I also (sometimes) clean.

This baby has no clue what it's getting into - or maybe it does? It's going to have to be flexible and like to be on the go because that's what we do around here. We bend and move.

Mason turned 4 last week and I think he's still recovering. He also started preschool and spent the night at his grandparent's house so whining and crying has been the drill the past few days. He had his 4 year check up and shots today so he is taking a great nap and then hopefully we will be back on track!

I feel so lucky and blessed right now. I have such an amazing life and I can't help but be thankful.

By Popular Demand...

Sooooo.

I. AM. PREGNANT.

Which probably all of whatever readers I have left knows by now. In my last post I said I wouldn't give up until I filled both of the seats in the new car. It looks like I am going to do that in February!

What ended up working? A double dose of Letrozole, an IUI and lots of praying. I took a test (because I'm sadist like that) the day before my period was due and there it was. What I had been waiting to see for 2 years. TWO lines. Right away. I waited until we were 10 weeks to share the news with the world via Facebook because it was becoming quite obvious I was pregnant and because we were still seeing the RE, we had seen and heard the heartbeat every other week since week 6.

So of course the first thing out of some people's fingers/mouths was, "OMG are you going to blog again?!!". I do blog. On my business site but I don't want to scare potential brides off with my pregnancy banter, which if you read my first blog (The Baby Luc) you know it can be scary!
So here I am. I'm back! And I guess this will give me something to do while I wait for this baby/wedding season wraps up/it gets cold.

I have a lot of catching up to do as far as this pregnancy goes but I'll save some of that for some posts until I get back into the swing of things. It's only fair for Baby Luc 2.0 to get the same blog treatment of the first year of their little lives as Mason did, right?!

Until (hopefully) tomorrow...here are some pics for you!

me at 16w 3d

 Baby Luc 2.0 at 12w

A Goodbye.

Who knew that saying goodbye to a car would be so hard for me. I remember when I wrote this post. Declaring my love for a certain minivan. A MINIVAN. Then I realized the amount of miles and shitty gas mileage that went along with it weren't going to be good enough for a photographer who spends a lot of Saturdays in the summer driving all over Ohio. So we got a second car, one that was good on gas and began driving that almost all the time.

We took the van to the beach in September because of the video screens and the room and comfort but that was about the last big trip she's been on. Fast forward to now, there have been a lot of changes in our life lately and one thing we agreed on was that it was probably best if we ditched the gas-guzzling van for a smaller SUV, one that gets at least 30 mpg. Well, that is happening this week and I spent about 15 minutes just.sitting.in.the.van yesterday. Looking around, imaging the 1-2 more kids I had planned on hauling around in there for the next 7-10 years.

I guess letting go of the van is in a way symbolic of me letting go of that dream of having 3 kids and accepting that fact that one more is about all we can handle at this point. Neither of us wants to put me through this again. But I won't stop until I can fill *both* of those seats in the new car.

Well that was a while...

I meant to write more, I really did but with having your own photography business where you offer family and children sessions means Christmas photos and YIKES. Busy. Not a bad problem to have.

Especially when you need something, anything to take the focus off that you are in fact, still not pregnant. Of course since my last post, I did go in for my blood work. Did find out I'm not pregnant and did hyperstimulate, which despite being a super fun word to say, is not fun whatsoever. In fact, I probably wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Evidently, there was some evidence of a possible ovulation, but with LUF syndrome, that can be deceiving. Either way, it didn't work. I'm hesitant to go forward towards IVF, and the RE is back peddling a little saying that he thinks there are some protocol changes he can try with me that may help us to avoid IVF. 

Either way, last cycle (the one after the hyperstim) was of course a BCP cycle to get my ovaries to calm the eff down. And this new cycle that I am about to begin will be an un-medicated, un-monitored, non-anythingpregnancyrelatedbecauseitsChristmas cycle. At least December, perhaps and probably January as well...maybe February? Maybe forever? I honestly don't know if I can do all of that to my body again even if it means to continue to live a life where every morning I ask myself if I can hold it together just for today. Can I? Yes. Keep going.

I'm getting to a point where I am starting to think that maybe God gave me a perfect, amazing, smart little boy in Mason because He knew it would be all I would get.

*KnockKnockKnock* Anyone there?

I don't know if anyone checks this blog anymore. Or if it even exists on any one's blog feed or whatever but I have decided to come back because I miss writing about my life and Mason and there is just so much FUN going on right now I can't stand it. Oh and I need a place to keep track of all the FUN because sometimes it blurs together.

Remember when I wrote this post? It's dated August 2010 and I came out about us trying to have another baby and blah blah blah. We had started trying about 2-ish months before so go ahead and do the math....
....I'll wait....
...........
..............
Yes. Approximately 16 months. No baby. See what I mean? FUN!!!11!1!

To hypothesize, I'll go ahead an do a quick little run-down and write more elaborate, detailed SUPERFUN blog posts later so I don't forget this experience because...whoa.
June2010-May2011: lots of trying...nothing.
May2011: Visit OB/GYN - prescribed Clomid, nothing.
June2011: Prescribed Clomid again by OB/GYN, gets head out of ass and realizes they are playing a game of "here! try this! it might work be we won't know because we don't monitor you or anything!" Call fertility clinic.
July2011: Visit fertility clinic and meet RE (reproductive endocrinologist) for the first time. Love the shit out of him. He runs all kinds of tests and monitors to see how my clomid is working (psst it is) and really doesn't find anything wrong but some suspected PCOS. But still...nothing.
August2011: Upped Clomid dosage plus IUI, I produce two great follicles but....nothing. Two cysts from Clomid discovered. Must take a month off and use birth control pills to shrink the cysts. Given the option between $$injectables$$ or something like Clomid (which is now thinning my lining, drying up cervical mucous and just generally not working) for the next cycle.
September2011: Birth Control Pills break. Decide on injectables, start Lupron on day 21.
October2011: Add in Gonal-f on day 3, grow 10-15 follicles, 5-6 of which are maturing, have minor breakdown about the possibility of having a litter of children. Calm the f down. HCG trigger'd 3 times and had IUI's done. Went back in for after-ovulation ultrasound and discovered I had not released any eggs. LUF syndrome. IVF is only option. Shit.
November2011: BCP cycle to calm ovaries down.
December, January/February 2011: Nothing. Nada. Trying on our own. Switch RE's because I don't love my RE so much anymore. REALLY love my new one though. Discover another cyst on an ovary. She checks my estrogen levels to see if I can start a medicated cycle or if I need another BCP cycle and whoa. A trace of pregnancy hormone is in my blood. I'm told to do nothing. Come back in 2 days to see if the numbers are going up. They don't. Miscarriage. Begin BCPs.


And that's where we are. Sorry to bore you, if anyone is even reading but I need to get it all out and somewhere so I can refer back if needed. I realize some of this might not make sense and I will explain later.

Moved. Again.

Because I can barely think straight...I have started doing personal posts on the photography blog, which you can find HERE.
See you there!